Mastering the art of comfort in one’s skin
How do you reconcile who you are with others’ expectations and stereotypes? How do you learn to recognise your true worth when others see you as less than? It’s something that most people have struggled with at some point. In this blog, Juanita shares her solutions:
Feeling the pressure of ‘fitting in’
Gaining confidence to adapt to different environments on your terms
Mastering comfort
FEELING THE PRESSURE OF ‘FITTING IN’
Ever since primary school you may have always felt pressure to fit in, whether it was the way you spoke, looked or dressed. After all, it did seem like the easiest way to make friends and get along with others. I believe this is one of the initial ways society has conformed us to feel discomfort when expressing our true selves and desires. For example, ever experienced the intense build up of uneasiness after deciding to make a slight change to your appearance ? I remember mine clearly as it were yesterday. One day I decided I was going to wear my natural hair out for the first time ever to school. It was scary, daunting and nerve-wracking and I was so concerned with others’ reactions I had not really appreciated my random spurt of confidence to do so. However, I felt great afterwards, relieved almost. It was then that I realised self validation is what really matters above everything else. It’s so easy to get absorbed in other people’s opinions, which is fine as it’s human nature to value the thoughts of the people that you love. Yet being able to self-validate and worry less about fitting in will truly bring inner peace and comfort.
GAINING CONFIDENCE TO ADAPT TO DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENTS ON YOUR TERMS
“Life takes you to unexpected places”- Melissa McClone. And in those unexpected places you interact with unexpected people from all over the globe. Whether it is your first year of university or you are entering the work climate, the need to feel liked by everyone is common. However, it is also this need that can easily overshadow what you may truly desire. This is why it is crucial to become more self-aware. Understanding your strengths along with weaknesses makes it easier for you to adapt to new environments. Confidence is key here. It allows you to be: proud of your strengths, accept your weaknesses, face challenges and have child-like curiosity. This simultaneously makes you more content, and overtime you will see that it is easier to interact with others just the way you are. I am certain this is very valuable considering that, as you advance in life you may encounter many social groups where it is unlikely your representation may be reflected (in fact you may be the only one there from your background). It is important not to be phased and stay as unapologetically true to yourself as much as you can!
MASTERING COMFORT
Mastering comfort will not be easy. In fact it can be almost awkward at first which is totally OK. Valuing our own worth, accomplishments, opinions, judgments, beauty and so much more comes easier to some than others but it is not impossible. When you do start to take steps towards these, the world is literally your oyster. Suddenly that amazing job opportunity doesn’t seem out of reach anymore, or maybe you can now see yourself going to that prestigious university you’ve always dreamt of. Remember, “Your success will be determined by your own confidence and fortitude”, -Michelle Obama. Exploring your talents freely, taking care of yourself mentally and physically, appreciating your wins (yes, even the small ones), feeding your mind with knowledge, not comparing yourself to others and changing your perspective, puts you on the right track until you reach your most secure frame of mind.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Patience is important when mastering the art of comfort as changes are unlikely to happen overnight. What’s important to take away from this blog is that self-acceptance is beautiful and everyone deserves to embrace it. How you perceive yourself matters the most. After all there will never be another you.