Anxieties of a Black Queer Student
By the time your 18th birthday rolls around, you have already thought about the luxuries of adulthood. Making your own money, wearing whatever you want, eating whatever you want, being able to be you. You might be counting down the days to packing up your bags and leaving home. This is a popular goal for LGBT individuals who may feel uncomfortable and stiff at home and are waiting for university to open up to the world and want what it has to offer. And for Black individuals, in particular, it is freedom or suppression.
Showing their true colours when they are away from home to not let their family know about their sexuality. The fear of abandonment and disowning when coming clean to their parents. The gossip, taunts, and glares from extended relatives as the news spread from group chat to group chat. I remember crying about how differently my parents treated me when they figured out that I liked girls. I felt a sharp pain in my chest when I realised no one would come to my wedding and it will never be as grand and celebrated as the ones with hetero couples. I am heartbroken. Of course, you have a close-knit group of friends who are always there for you, an outlet during secondary school, a new family, strong and happier than the one at home. The thought of moving away is euphoric but what will you do if your friends aren’t there? They will still call and arrange meetings but you cannot call them out on a random Friday to vent and share Oreo chocolate bars. I couldn’t always open up to my friends but they were always patient with me and cheered me up. They were like me, queer and hiding, and we were holding onto each other for dear life. I believe we will be lifetime friends, whether we’re together or not.
Finally, your own bedroom, kitchen, and living room! Or a more likely reality is that you’re sharing with six other people in a university dorm. Talking to new people is hard especially when they’re not like you at all. I wouldn't like the empty looks and unspoken silences and I would worry about using the wrong ketchup or if I left dishes out by mistake. They may have accepted that you live with them but do they like you? What if they find out? The silence of a once-living conversation after walking in and the fake confused faces they would make to throw you off. I worry about the widespread loneliness after sitting in my dorm to type up my report before Wednesday, at least I want to laugh about it. A friend commented that “Further education is a terrifying experience but a necessary step to make money to survive in late-stage capitalism”.
My first goal in university is to find a community, a club, or a society I can join and integrate with. People who have shared my experiences and joke about how cynical it was. An interviewed individual stated that they would “definitely move out with friends” and “doesn’t feel like they could live independently until a later period”. University isn’t for everyone, you may be deciding to enter the workforce or complete an apprenticeship. An individual said, “Uni isn’t a way out because I do not intend to go, I’ll take self-discovery into my own hands”.
Self-identity is weird. You’re faced with loads of different boxes to fit into but you apply to more than one. You could be queer, neuro-divergent, afro-centered, punk, sporty, or chill but those parts of you are overlooked and discarded. Our Blackness comes before these labels but we are not just Black. I fit into too many categories and I’m not in the right body half the time. I want to express myself through language and aesthetics that are true to me. Mental health must be maintained well. A friend stated that their anxiety about adulthood stems from mental illness ( anxiety disorder and agoraphobia), it doesn’t interfere with their blackness or queerness.
The information available for Black students to progress successfully into adulthood is limited and unfulfilled. As there are complaints and critics there must be solutions and improvements. These could include:
Outreach with other young people
Support and build camaraderie with peers
Therapy as a professional lens to look within yourself
Surrounding yourself with friends that make you feel comfortable in your skin
Healthy distractions such as reading, sports, baking, or learning a new skill like knitting
Opening up to people you trust
Spreading information throughout the Black Community on underrated topics of sexuality, gender, and mental health
Finding LGBT groups/societies and becoming the BME Officer for them to create safe spaces
Finding the BME societies and creating LGBT+ roles
Nevertheless, we are beautiful and complex.